


shadows on the walls

by vyrantium



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Fluffy Ending, M/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-09
Updated: 2016-02-09
Packaged: 2018-05-19 06:30:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5957110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vyrantium/pseuds/vyrantium
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dorian can't escape his doubts, even at night, it seems.</p>
            </blockquote>





	shadows on the walls

**Author's Note:**

> This is also on my [tumblr](http://ughanders.tumblr.com/post/138964026271/shadows-on-the-walls), if you're interested!

Dorian woke with a start, breathing heavily. His eyes remained clamped shut, slowly coming back to himself and taking in his surroundings. He was drenched in sweat, but the cool autumn breeze coming in from the open window left him shivering. Beneath him, he could feel the soft silk sheets. Slowly, he ran his hand over them, taking in the texture as he reached for the top sheet. Dorian pulled it over himself, trying to calm down. At this point, he didn’t know if he was shivering from the cold, or if it was actually the nightmare, still gripping onto his every thought. Either way, he knew he should get up, close the window, but the dream was still fresh and he was afraid of what he’d see if he opened his eyes. For the moment, he could pretend everything was okay, so long as his eyes remained closed.

The nightmare replayed in his mind, hollow words bouncing around in his skull. It had been all too real. And even if it hadn’t _actually_ been real, it was far too easy for it to become reality. Dorian squeezed his eyes shut as tight as he could and took a slow, deep breath. He tried to shake away the voice of the false Trevelyan that plagued his mind, finding every doubt he had and bringing it forward.

Next to him, a body shifted. Dorian felt some of the tension in his chest release, but he couldn’t forget what he’d just experienced. He _knew_ the nightmare was just that: a nightmare. But that didn’t mean the effects of it would just disappear into thin air, forgotten about. Sighing softly, Dorian turned his head towards Trevelyan and finally opened his eyes. Trevelyan looked at peace for once, now that he didn’t have to focus on pleasing every noble that walked through the front doors of Skyhold while simultaneously attempting to save the world. Not to mention the long hours he forced on himself, ones that may have been longer than Josephine’s some days.

How quickly Dorian could lose all of this. Trevelyan was a desired man, not to mention the fact that they seemed to face death on a weekly basis. One way or another, Dorian could lose him in an instant. Dorian _would_ lose him. The man had a glowing green hand and was going up against and ancient evil. Even if one of those things turned out well, it was highly unlikely that they both would. On top of all that, Trevelyan had nobles throwing themselves at him nearly every day. It was only a matter of time before someone more to his liking showed up and stole him away.

A particularly strong gust of wind tore Dorian from his thoughts, and he finally admitted defeat and got out of bed. He padded to the door slowly, a small smile on his face as he recalled the conversation from earlier. They’d left it open, when it was still warm enough outside and the cool air felt good enough on their hot skin.

_You’ll regret leaving it open later,_ Dorian has warned him. Trevelyan had just hummed happily and pulled Dorian closer, reminding him he was more than welcome to get up and close it himself. For a brief moment he’d considered it, but ultimately decided that he was far too comfortable in Trevelyan’s arms to move. Dorian was grateful for it now. It gave him an excuse to focus on anything other than the thoughts currently racing through his mind.

Dorian stepped outside, looking out over Skyhold. It was amazing what Trevelyan had been able to build here. Just a few short months ago this castle had been falling apart; now, it was one of the most beautiful pieces of Southern architecture he’d seen in his time here. Granted, that wasn’t a very long time, but the Inquisition had dragged him across of almost all of Southern Thedas, it seemed. Dorian smiled, eyes turning to the courtyard. No one was awake, save for a few soldiers doing their nightly rounds. They paced, no doubt struggling to stay awake as the night crawled on. The doors to the tavern opened and a small group stumbled out, drunken laughter drifting up to meet Dorian’s ears. He envied their ability to drown themselves in liquor and remain in good spirits. It was certainly something he wished he was able to accomplish.

Arms wrapped around Dorian’s waist from behind, and a small kiss was pressed to the point where his shoulder met his neck. Dorian’s stomach flipped, but he leaned into Trevelyan regardless, trying to appreciate the soft embrace. Part of him wished that the other man had stayed asleep, so he could at least try to forget about the nightmare on his own. Now it’d be nearly impossible to, and Trevelyan would be able to see that something was bothering him. He always did. It wasn’t that he didn’t appreciate his willingness to help, but Dorian didn’t want to trouble him. Trevelyan had enough on his plate already, without adding every nagging fear that crossed Dorian’s mind.

“Come inside. Can’t have you catching a cold, I’d never hear the end of it,” Trevelyan hummed against Dorian’s skin, pressing more soft kisses against his neck.

“You leave the door open all the time anyway, it’s not like me coming in will make much of a difference,” Dorian teased halfheartedly, turning around to peck Trevelyan on the lips before quickly moving inside. He closed the door to the other balcony, keeping his face hidden. They both needed their rest, he wouldn’t bother Trevelyan with this. Not now, at least. Maybe when he wasn’t so busy – whenever _that_ was.

Trevelyan’s arms wrapped around him again and Dorian fought the urge to go stiff. It didn’t matter, apparently, because the man behind him frowned against his skin.

“What’s wrong?” he asked quietly, attempting to turn Dorian around.

“Nothing you need to worry about, amatus,” Dorian murmured, keeping his feet firmly planted on the floor. He couldn’t face Trevelyan, not now. “Let’s get back to bed. You need your rest.”

Trevelyan moved around so he was in front of Dorian, frown still on his lips. “You know me worrying about you will just keep me up,” he said, raising Dorian’s face and planting a soft kiss on his lips. “Talk to me. Please.”

Dorian sighed, resting his forehead to Trevelyan’s. He did have a point, but what if his nightmare had somehow been based on fact? He couldn’t deal with that sort of rejection. He’d known leaving would be harder, the longer this went on, but he couldn’t face it yet. Not now, when things were going so well. And besides, Dorian could face his demons on his own. This wasn’t anything that Trevelyan needed to trouble himself with. If it wasn’t true, it was something Dorian could work through on his own.

Dorian looked up, meeting Trevelyan’s eyes. That was a mistake. He looked at him with such care, incredibly worried about what was going on within Dorian’s mind. Honestly, Dorian didn’t deserve such a wonderful man.

“Let’s get in bed,” Dorian told him, pulling away. Trevelyan started to protest, but Dorian held up a hand. “I’d rather not have this conversation freezing. The bed is warm.”

The pair settled back into bed, Trevelyan’s arms holding Dorian close. Dorian hummed softly, burying his head in the other’s chest, trying to collect his thoughts. How could he voice his fears, when Trevelyan loved him so much? Here, right now, curled up in bed while his fingers running over Dorian’s back lightly, waiting patiently for him to speak, it was obvious that Trevelyan cared for him deeply. Everything Trevelyan did suggested how much he did. Dorian’s doubts were ridiculous.

_I don’t love you. I never have._

The words rang clearly through Dorian’s mind, causing him to inhale sharply, eyes shutting again momentarily. _It’s not real,_ he reminded himself. _He didn’t – wouldn’t – say that._

“Dorian?” Trevelyan prodded softly, fingers stilling as he looked down at him with a concern. Dorian shifted, giving him a forced smile, before settling back down onto his chest.

“Apologies,” he murmured, focusing on the rise and fall of Trevelyan’s chest. It was just a dream. “I… It seems my imagination is overactive tonight, is all.”

Trevelyan looked down at him, waiting for the rest of the story. The man had always been so patient with him, prodding him gently whenever he needed it most, but never enough to send him over the edge. Dorian sighed softly, staring off into the distance as he decided where to start.

“Nightmare,” Dorian said plainly, taking a moment before continuing. “You… We were discussing… This. Our relationship. What was exactly was in store for us. It’s silly, really. But…”

Dorian closed his eyes as the false Trevelyan found his way into his head again. _What, did you actually think that this could continue? You mean **nothing** to me. _Dorian’s hold on Trevelyan’s hip tightened, willing the voice from his mind.

“You were… very harsh. About us. I had the idea that there will _be_ an us, after all this is over. Apparently, it was an idea you did not share and had no qualms about shooting down.”

_I never loved you. You were just a pretty face to pass the time. Nothing more._

Dorian opened his eyes, stealing a glance at Trevelyan’s face. He bit his lip, looking away quickly. “You told me you never cared for me, beyond the sex. That I – that I was worthless to you. You couldn’t believe that I’d developed feelings for you. You! The Inquisitor! The person who could have any man or woman in Thedas if he pleased.

“This… Wasn’t the first. I’ve had others. Dreams of you leaving me for one of the nobles who had thrown themselves at your feet. You deciding that being with _the_ _Vint_ wasn’t worth all the trouble it caused. Others, of you… dying, in my arms. Sometimes you’ll say sweet things. Of how you’re happy you got to spend the last months of your life with me. Other times, you’ll tell me that I was just a way to keep things light. That you never actually cared. That you had a pretty girl waiting at home for you when this was all over. You’d demand that I tell her you were sorry you didn’t make it home to see her again, instead dying in the arms of someone that meant nothing to you.”

Silence fell over the pair and Dorian felt his heart pounding in his chest. As the silence stretch on, it became obvious he’d crossed a line, telling Trevelyan everything. Now it was all he could do to prepare for the worst. He’d have to leave tonight, head back to his own room. He could collect his things in the morning…

“Is that really what you think?” Trevelyan asked softly, carding his fingers through Dorian’s unkempt hair. “This isn’t just some physical relationship for me. This is _more,_ remember? You mean the world to me, Dorian. I love you. Nothing is _ever_ going to change that.”

Dorian froze, thinking over Trevelyan’s words carefully. How could he promise such a thing? He could manage a lot of things, but seeing the future was definitely not one of them. Even still, there was a fondness behind his voice that could only mean that Trevelyan cared as deeply as he claimed. Dorian looked up, smiling sadly at him before pressing their lips together briefly.

“Promise me that you won’t go off getting eaten by archdemons or running away with some Orlesian noble then, would you? Though, if you had to choose between the two, I think I’d prefer you went with the archdemon. Orlesians are awful for a number of reasons,” Dorian murmured, but his humor fell flat.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere,” Trevelyan promised him, smiling gently. “I will most definitely not be running away with anyone. Unless it’s you. Have you seen some of the ways they try to proposition me? Horrendous. Can’t do much about the archdemons, they’re pesky things. But I will actively try not to get eaten, I promise.”

“At least I can help protect you against archdemons,” Dorian hummed, curling protectively around Trevelyan. He pressed a kiss to his left shoulder, just above his heart, then closed his eyes. “Go back to sleep, amatus. You have a busy day tomorrow.”

“When do I not?” Trevelyan chuckled, placing a kiss on top of Dorian’s head.

On nights like these, it was here that Dorian felt safest. Trevelyan was everything he needed; he was _home_. It had been far too long since he’d felt this okay anywhere. Dorian hummed at Trevelyan’s words, managing his first sincere smile since he’d woken up. Despite the lingering nagging at the back of his mind, Dorian felt that things were going to be okay from here on out.

They both stayed silent, enjoying each other’s presence in the dead of night and slowly, they both began to drift off again.

“Dorian?” Trevelyan mumbled sleepily some time later. The only thing Dorian could muster in response was a quiet _hmm?_ to let him know he was listening. He was on the verge of sleep, but he’d force himself awake just a moment longer.

“I… I just want you to know that you don’t have to worry about there ever not being an us. If I had my way, there will _always_ be an us. Even if we get dragged away from each other for some reason… I will fight for us, Dorian. I just wanted you to know that.”

Dorian barely processed the words, brain moving too slowly as he drifted off back to sleep. He hummed again in acknowledgement, pressing his face into Trevelyan’s neck as consciousness slipped from him. One phrase stuck with him, ringing out loudly over the voice of the false Trevelyan.

_There will always be an us._

That was enough to ease Dorian’s mind, at least for the night.


End file.
